I have been single all my life. It’s funny, because when I was in high school, my aim was to get married at the age of 21. Today I’m glad that I didn’t get married while I was so young, because I have changed so much since then. I feel uncertain about marriage, because there seems to be so few marriages that really work. It seems that in general marriage brings more pain and sorrow than joy and fulfilment. On the other hand, it makes sense to me that marriage should be the most secure building block for family and society. This is what I would like to believe about marriage:
It seems that a committed relationship (such as marriage) to one person is potentially the most successful building block for family and society. Within marriage one has the security that you have an intimate partner to share your life with – your deepest issues and concerns and your joys and successes. You can grow with that person and get old with the knowledge and security that you have someone who will stand by you through thick and thin. For that reason, it is extremely important that you choose wisely before making such a commitment. You must know that you are committing your life to this person – you will work through whatever troubles and issues come up without ever turning your back on that person or breaking your relationship with that person.
With that secure foundation for your family, you can also raise children together. For the sake of the children, as well – it is important to love your partner and give the children the security of a stable, loving relationship. It is the best gift you can ever give them.
I have so often heard people say, however, that if they could choose over, they would never get married. I have never been married and I would love to share my life with someone special and start a family, but I want to be sure that it is my best option.
Is it possible, that like most other animals, human males have a built-in, natural drive to want to spread their seed widely and have sex with many different females and for that reason it is unfair and unnatural to think that (except for a few exceptions) most men could commit to a long-term relationship with one person?
On the other hand it seems like a long-term commitment is the only strong foundation for a family. Or is it just because that has become the expectation (maybe unrealistic?) in human culture. Would it not be better if people could rather make say a five year commitment to one another and after five years they re-evaluate their relationship and decide if they want to lengthen their commitment?
Following is my dream for sharing my life with someone special:
As a lover, I want to be fully committed to my wife. I want to live from my own source of security and out of my own strength, love my wife with absolute devotion, loyalty and sacrifice. I choose to love her above any other person in the world and to keep on affirming that love in word and deed. I want to compliment her and let her fully be herself. I don’t want to compromise my love and commitment to her by lusting after other women. I want to be her best friend. I want to appreciate, rather than understand her. I want to compliment her womanhood. I want to enjoy deep, meaningful and exciting sex with her on a regular basis. I want to explore and enjoy life with her. I want to be her companion experiencing exciting adventures with her. I want to be open and truthful with her – sharing an honest life of integrity with her. I want her to be the first priority in my life and always be there for her and put her first before my work, my children, my friends, possessions or any other person or thing. I want to grow with her, so that we can be two complete individuals that form a powerful loving team. I want to form a loving family with her and let our relationship grow in depth and meaning over the years. I want to grow old with her and love her until death separates us.
Is this a realistic dream or am I naive and do I have unrealistic romantic expectations that will be disappointed?
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