I want to be there for my friends. I want them to see and experience how much I love and appreciate them. I want to do it from a genuine love and appreciation in my heart – without ulterior motives. I want to always want the best for them and be truly happy for whatever fortune or happiness they get – without any feelings of jealousy. I want to fully allow them and accept with peace in my heart the fact that I probably am not number one in their lives and that they might not love me with the same intensity that I love them. I want to happily accept the fact that there may be other people who they love and like and prefer more than me. I don’t want to feel any jealousy or anger about that and wish them the best – even if it does not include me. I want to be free from the slavery of obsession or dependence on the love, acceptance, encouragement and affirmation of other people.
I want to be so secure in myself, that I can truly just live my own life, be myself, without any inhibitions or without trying to impress my friends or without trying to be what I think they would want me to be.
I don’t want to be one of those needy people who are looking for attention, sympathy and who are feeling sorry for themselves. I want to be completely free from pity parties and emotional manipulation.
I want my friends to know and experience that I am a principled person who knows what he wants, who knows his boundaries, who respects his own and other people’s boundaries, who is mature and masculine in the true sense of the word, who is loving, dependable, compassionate, sensitive, understanding, loyal and true to his principles. I want them to see and experience that I am nobody’s rag, that I am no push-over, that I am strong, confident and secure in myself. At the same time they must know that I have self-control, wisdom, compassion, humility, pride, sensitivity and that I am pro-active, a good leader who acts out of a deep confidence and belief in the principles that I stand for; that I am teachable, that I am a good listener, that I can argue my point with kindness, compassion and logic, that I am willing to be proven wrong and admit my mistakes and that I am slow to anger and quick to forgive and put things behind me.
My friends must know me as a positive person who is realistic, never pessimistic and one who radiates peace, love, joy, happiness and fulfillment.
My friends must know where they stand with me, know that I don’t take offence, but talk things out immediately when something is wrong. They must know me as someone who loves to joke, who can take a joke with appreciation and who always assumes positive intent.
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I love this homie. If I didn’t know you, which I don’t, I feel as if I do now.
As far as the things you wish to be to your friends, you are describing a perfect friend. I don’t think I have or will be a perfect friend. As a human, i will always have flaws. But to be imperfectly perfect as a friend and what I find to be the better friend, is the one that tries to be everything you described anyway.
Thanks for the comment Dani A!
I think I am still far off from what I want to be, but I have an intense desire to be real and grow closer and closer to my real identity that is still hidden underneath all kinds of clutter.