I want to be so secure in myself, that I can truly just live my own life, be myself, without any inhibitions or without trying to impress my friends or without trying to be what I think they would want me to be.

I don’t want to be one of those needy people who are looking for attention, sympathy and who are feeling sorry for themselves.  I want to be completely free from pity parties and emotional manipulation.

I want my friends to know and experience that I am a principled person who knows what he wants, who knows his boundaries, who respects his own and other people’s boundaries, who is mature and masculine in the true sense of the word, who is loving, dependable, compassionate, sensitive, understanding, loyal and true to his principles.  I want them to see and experience that I am nobody’s rag, that I am no push-over, that I am strong, confident and secure in myself.  At the same time they must know that I have self-control, wisdom, compassion, humility, pride, sensitivity and that I am pro-active, a good leader who acts out of a deep confidence and belief in the principles that I stand for; that I am teachable, that I am a good listener, that I can argue my point with kindness, compassion and logic, that I am willing to be proven wrong and admit my mistakes and that I am slow to anger and quick to forgive and put things behind me.

My friends must know me as a positive person who is realistic, never pessimistic and one who radiates peace, love, joy, happiness and fulfillment.

My friends must know where they stand with me, know that I don’t take offence, but talk things out immediately when something is wrong.  They must know me as someone who loves to joke, who can take a joke with appreciation and who always assumes positive intent.

It seems that a committed relationship (such as marriage) to one person is potentially the most successful building block for family and society.  Within marriage one has the security that you have an intimate partner to share your life with – your deepest issues and concerns and your joys and successes.  You can grow with that person and get old with the knowledge and security that you have someone who will stand by you through thick and thin.  For that reason, it is extremely important that you choose wisely before making such a commitment.  You must know that you are committing your life to this person – you will work through whatever troubles and issues come up without ever turning your back on that person or breaking your relationship with that person.

With that secure foundation for your family, you can also raise children together.  For the sake of the children, as well – it is important to love your partner and give the children the security of a stable, loving relationship.  It is the best gift you can ever give them.

I have so often heard people say, however, that if they could choose over, they would never get married.  I have never been married and I would love to share my life with someone special and start a family, but I want to be sure that it is my best option.

Is it possible, that like most other animals, human males have a built-in, natural drive to want to spread their seed widely and have sex with many different females and for that reason it is unfair and unnatural to think that (except for a few exceptions) most men could commit to a long-term relationship with one person?

On the other hand it seems like a long-term commitment is the only strong foundation for a family.  Or is it just because that has become the expectation (maybe unrealistic?) in human culture.  Would it not be better if people could rather make say a five year commitment to one another and after five years they re-evaluate their relationship and decide if they want to lengthen their commitment?

Following is my dream for sharing my life with someone special:

As a lover, I want to be fully committed to my wife.  I want to live from my own source of security and out of my own strength, love my wife with absolute devotion, loyalty and sacrifice.  I choose to love her above any other person in the world and to keep on affirming that love in word and deed.  I want to compliment her and let her fully be herself.  I don’t want to compromise my love and commitment to her by lusting after other women.  I want to be her best friend.  I want to appreciate, rather than understand her.  I want to compliment her womanhood.  I want to enjoy deep, meaningful and exciting sex with her on a regular basis.  I want to explore and enjoy life with her.  I want to be her companion experiencing exciting adventures with her.  I want to be open and truthful with her – sharing an honest life of integrity with her.  I want her to be the first priority in my life and always be there for her and put her first before my work, my children, my friends, possessions or any other person or thing.  I want to grow with her, so that we can be two complete individuals that form a powerful loving team.  I want to form a loving family with her and let our relationship grow in depth and meaning over the years.  I want to grow old with her and love her until death separates us.

Is this a realistic dream or am I naive and do I have unrealistic romantic expectations that will be disappointed?

I am very much trying to figure things out in my life.  Maybe writing about it and getting people’s comments and advice will help me.

I am busy reading the book “the 7 habits of highly effective people” by stephen covey.  Well, I’ve kind of been busy reading this book over the past year.  I’ve finished the first two parts about the first two habits (i’ve studied and read through it a few times) and am in the process of writing my personal mission statement.  From there I want to clarify the principles that my life is based on.  I want to be clear on who I really am and what I really want to be like.  I want to be sure of the foundations that my life is built on, so that I can make decisions and act on the basis of the principles I stand for.

I have grown up with certain principles, but at a certain stage of my life I realised that all of those principles don’t make sense to me any more.  Since then I’ve gone through quite an identity crisis, trying to figure out who I really am, what I really believe, what really makes sense to me and why.  I want to live with confidence and integrity.  I want my life to be built on what I really understand to be reality and truth, instead of what people dictate to me as being reality and truth.

I want to invite you to share this journey of discovery with me.  A journey where I really want to be open, teachable, honest, genuine and humble.  It is a deeply emotional journey to me.  At times it is extremely upsetting and confusing to me.  Sometimes I just feel like running or hiding away.  But it is a journey I am committed to.  And it is also an exciting adventure.  One that contains a lot of joy, wonder and fulfiment.  I desire much more of that joy and this is part of my aim: to live life to the full, to grow more and more into a level of maturity where I am secure in who I am and where I have trained my mind, will and emotions to be my servants in a joyful, fulfilled, positive, generous, loving and meaningful life.

B.